My fear
by silverempire
Summary: JD confronts Perry about his fears. The older doctor reacts. Slash - Established Relationship - fluffiness alert.


Author's note: Hello all, I'm new in this fandom, and this is my first Scrubs story. It's slash, so please don't read if you don't like, and blah, blah, blah… Also, English is not my language, so I'm sorry if you detect any spelling or grammar mistake (if you do, please point them out to me so I can correct them).

Disclaimers: Wish I owned them, so that I could force Zach and Donald to sing the "Sanford and Son" theme every night before I went to sleep…

**My fear**

It was late when JD could finally get home. It had been a very tiring day, one of his patients had nearly died, before he could properly diagnose his symptoms. He slowly turned the key, so as to make the littlest noise possible. He opened the door, cautiously, and searched for the switch.

As the living room was bathed in light, he almost jumped out of his skin when he spotted the figure sitting on the couch, who was currently looking at him. He briefly imagined himself actually stepping out of his skin when he got home from work, neatly folding it like a garment, but quickly shook away the image, and focused back on the couch, where the sinister figure was barely breathing.

"Perry"? He tentatively called. No noise came from the older man. He seemed frozen in his position, with his arms crossed around his chest and a very, _very_ murderous look in his eyes.

As JD slowly approached the couch, he briefly felt like walking in a snowstorm, his bones were rapidly freezing, he actually started to tremble a bit. He knew he was in a big trouble. He had done it bad. But what, exactly?

"Perry, what's up"? He tried again, and again received no reply. To his immense relief, the curly-haired doctor had directed the murderous glare to the table in front of him, one eyebrow defiantly raised, as if he could burn away the offending object just by staring at it. JD stopped, and followed Perry's gaze to the table, where a piece of paper was lying.

"What's that, Newbie"? The older man finally spoke, or I should say snarled, pointing decidedly to the paper.

JD bent down to take it and see its contents, but as he spotted the letter heading, he immediately recognized it.

"I…" He started, but wasn't sure of how to explain himself to his lover. He was afraid of his reaction. He jumped back a few steps when Perry rose up from the couch and started walking around, fervently waving his hands in a fit of rage.

"Should I explain it to you, Janet? That's a house rental contract, if I'm not mistaken, and, believe me, Katie, I'm ne-_he-he_-ver wrong. What is beyond my comprehension is why that contract has your name on it, and why it says that you renewed your agreement with the owner of your old flat for another year. I had the distinct impression that you had said yes when I asked you to move in with me, and that we have been living under the same roof for three months now. What game are you playing at, Marissa"?

JD was violently shaking his head. "Perry, it's not what you think…I mean, It's not what it seems", he stuttered.

Dr. Cox stopped and raised an eyebrow. "Care to explain to me what it is then, Marion? Because what _I_ think and what _it_ seems are both really bad things. Do you want to know what my opinion is? I think you are keeping your old apartment because you need a way to escape this relationship, should it become too serious for your tastes. Isn't it what you usually do when things get a little too complicated? Do you want to run away from me? Well, Newbie, here's a piece of news for you: if you plan to do something this stupid to me, I swear you will never see the sun again, and I don't mean in a _'oh no, my boyfriend left me, I will never go out of this house again' _way, but in a _'oh no, my boyfriend actually killed me like he said he would' _way".

Perry stopped his rant (he would have gone on for ages, this time) when he noticed his Newbie's slumped shoulders, and his hands balled into fists. He actually had to lean closer to hear JD's murmured reply: "And what happens when you grow tired of me? Huh? Where am I going when you throw me out of this house? You know, it happens all the time, everyone eventually gets tired of living with me. Turk did, Elliot did, and what do I do when you do too? I have a child now, I have to be more responsible, I have to think about him, I don't want to end up living in a tent again, Perry". The tone of his voice had become louder and louder, until he was actually screaming the last few words.

Perry was taken aback. He had never considered this. He thought Newbie had the upper hand in this relationship, after all he was… well, not _old_, just a little more grown up than Clarissa. _He_ should be the one afraid of being left for younger, healthier shores. He intently looked at his Newbie (his… he never tired of adding this adjective), then gathered him into his arms, holding him tight. "That's what you fear, Newbie? That I could leave you, throw you out of this house? Why didn't you speak to me about it earlier"?

He felt JD's arms closing around his waist, and his head falling heavy on his shoulder. "And what would you have done, if I told you? You would have laughed at me, then told me I was some kind of girly girl who was afraid of being dumped before the prom".

Perry laughed softly. "Maybe I would. But I also would have reassured you. When I told you this was your house too, I meant it _literally_. I went to my lawyer, the day after I asked you to move in with me, and I registered this apartment under your name too. There's no way I could let you or little Sammy live in a tent, Newbie, I can promise you this. As for your other fear, that I could grow tired of you, I know it could never happen".

JD snorted. "How can you be so sure"?

"Well, I thought it was obvious. No matter how much you annoy me, and you do, _a whole lot_, I just can't see myself without you. This, what we have together, is the closest I have come to happiness in my entire life. And when I come home, after a tiring day at the hellhole better known as Sacred Heart, and I see you and our children , all three of them, smiling at me, I know it was not a wasted day. Wait here a sec". He disentangled himself from the embrace, and went to their bedroom.

When he re-emerged, he was holding something behind his back.

"This originally had to be my anniversary gift to you, but I decided against it at the last second". He paused. There was no way in heaven or hell he would tell Newbie that he had actually been _afraid_ of giving him the thing , afraid that the younger doctor could reject him. He had kept it hidden for three months, there had never been the right moment to take it out again. Until now. He had to reassure Joan about the fact that he was very much committed to this relationship.

JD stared at his lover with big eyes , his smile spreading on his face. 'I knew it!" he thought, 'It's the PS3 I wanted!' He was already imagining the long, looong afternoons spent playing the Tekken championship with Turk. 'Maybe I can even get to be Nina…'

That's why, when Perry held out a tiny, _very_ tiny box, he could only mutter a disappointed: "Oh".

The younger doctor quickly recomposed himself when Perry opened the box, letting him see the golden ring it contained. He felt his mouth touch the ground. "Newbie, I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with, though if you ever tell anyone I admitted it, you're dead. I also know that I'm much older than you, so I want you to know that I would understand if you said no. I would kill you nonetheless, but I would understand. What I'm trying to say is…Oh, for God's sake, you're making me stutter now, I hope you're happy, Liza".

Perry turned away from JD, who had never seen the older doctor so nervous. He gently touched his arm, rubbing it in a soothing motion. "Perry, it's ok, you don't have to ask me if you don't feel like it. I'm already happy with the way things are now. I know it's difficult for you to express your feelings, and I don't want you to change for me. I love you, Perry, I'm sorry I put you in this situation with my stupid fears".

The curly-haired doctor turned towards JD, a determined look in his eyes. He wrapped his arms around the other man's waist.

"But I do feel like it. I… I love you, JD. There, said it, it wasn't so difficult after all. Now marry me, and let's stop with all this girly feelings crap". He quickly shoved the ring into the younger man's palm, then waited for his answer.

JD, on the other side, was astonished. Perry, his Perry, had just said he loved him for the first time since they had gotten together, a year and three months prior, and he had also proposed…This was the best day of his life! Sure, it hadn't been the most romantic moment in the history of mankind, but JD wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

He put the ring on his finger, then cupped Perry's face into his hands and tenderly kissed him. "Yes", he simply said, before his mouth was assaulted by the curly-haired doctor's in a heated kiss.

"Does this mean that I have to call aunt Carol 'mommy'"? The pair was interrupted by Jack's sleepy voice. They turned to see the little Cox tiredly rubbing his eyes. Perry started to laugh heartily, while JD simply rolled his eyes and proceeded to scoop the little child into his arms. "Well, since you already have a mommy, you can call me 'daddy' or 'pops'. And, anyway, what are you doing awake at this hour"? Jack wrapped his tiny arms around JD's neck, holding tightly.

"I heard you two screaming, and I was afraid you and Sammy would go away. You will never leave us, won't you, daddy"? JD felt his heart burst at this. He looked at his lover-no, fiancé now, then at the little boy in his arms. "No, I will always stay here with you, Jacky". He carried Jack to his bedroom, and put him back under the covers.

"Good. I love you, aun-I mean, daddy".

"I love you too, Jacky. Now sleep". He turned the switch, and closed the door.

He felt a pair of strong hands sneaking around his waist from behind, and making their way under his shirt.

"Now, we should celebrate our engagement, what do you think, Newbie"?

He smiled. "I think this is a very good idea. What do I do with my rental contract, then"? He casually asked, then yelped when Perry bit his neck.

"I've already destroyed it, Sheila. You're stuck with me, now".

As he was forcefully led into their bedroom, JD couldn't help but smile and think that keeping his old apartment hadn't been a bad idea, not bad at all.

The end

Author's note: What do you think? I mean, honestly… I have some other ideas, and I was thinking I could make this into a series of one shots describing various steps of their relationship. Of course, it'll all depend on how many positive reviews I'm getting on this story…


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